If People Treated Cars the Way They Treat Computers . . .
HelpLine: General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: I got into my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
HelpLine: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What’s an ignition?
HelpLine: It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?
HelpLine: Ford HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won’t go anywhere!
HelpLine: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Hunh? How do I know?
HelpLine: There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from “E” to “F.” Where is the needle pointing?
Customer: It’s pointing to “E.” What does that mean?
HelpLine: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some mroe gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
Customer: What? I paid twelve thousand dollars for this car! Now you tell me I have to keep buying more components/ I want a car that comes with everything built in!
HelpLine: American Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: Your car sucks!
HelpLine: What’s wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that’s what’s wrong!
HelpLine: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted the car to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked fine for a while and then it crashed, and it won’t start now!
HelpLine: It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the lastest version that doesn’t crash any more!
HelpLine: Chrysler HelpLine, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.
HelpLine: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
HelpLine: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
HelpLine: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I’m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!
—Source unknown; found by Ed Stepp
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